friends, not the sitcom

All of our life, we are told important how friends are. Shows, books, life stories and nuggets of wisdom all seem to tell us that no matter how different we are from others, we can always find true friends who will accept us for who we are and with our true friends, no matter how tough life gets, friends will always pull us through. It's a common theme shared across stories of fiction and non-fiction alike. It would seem that as long as you have friends, no problem in life is too big to handle and you'll survive as long as you have the support from your friends.

Not only that, science itself seems to suggest that people with more friends tend to do better in life. Be it in general life outcome and even progress after being diagnosed with an illness, people who had social support tend to do better than those who do not. If we are socially excluded even for a while, our body quickly responds in a negative way. We humans are made to be social creatures and without social contact in our life, we just tend to fare a lot worse than those who have a better social network.

Which brings me to the next question. What happens then if a person is so broken in a way that it's impossible for that person to have a friend? Would it be easier to just give up on life then, since it is almost impossible to thrive without social support? I mean what happens if you find out that you just can't seem to make any true friends despite how hard you try? Do you press on until you eventually find one or do you accept the fact that you're probably not going to find a true friend anyway and try to live life as independently as you can, no matter what the consequences are?

I've come to question the concept of friends a lot for the past few months. It would seem that the definition of friendship to many is where a relationship where you can benefit both in a tangible (opportunities, cash, car rides) and intangible manner (emotional support, rant pillar). To be someone's friend, you must first have something to offer, something that will benefit the other party in any way possible. After all, not many wants a friendship where one has to constantly give and receive nothing in return, which means that when you have nothing to give, you'll often find that not many would be eager to be your friend. Which is why people of a higher status, wealth and fame always have an easier time finding friends than those who are not.

It's funny how life made it so important for us to have friends but yet at the same time made it so difficult to find a true friendship. Maybe it's just me but I find it funny that even after 4 years here, I still have trouble finding someone whom I can really trust, and who trust me back in the same way. But by saying that though, I am also guilty of expecting an equal amount of return when investing in friendships. Perhaps I am expecting too much, or perhaps my personality is so different in a way that it prevents me from ever having a true friend (like those who have personality disorders, for example) but I guess after what's happened over the past few months, I guess it's a high time to once again throw in the towel and just don't care.

After all, I did tried once to step out and to just mix around but it would seem that while some can just form friendships easily, some have a more awkward time doing it and in some cases, even having an all out meltdown in public. Sometimes, things are just not meant to be. I give up. I work better with my computer anyway.

I miss my buddies back at my hometown.


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