Friday, January 6, 2012

Twilight is dangerous

I wanted to write a really long post today. But because something big happened just now and it's already 3am plus, I think I'm just gonna share this picture that I found on 9gag about a girl wanting to turn a boyfriend into a vampire by feeding him her blood:

And she's aptly named Sakura Cullen

I have no idea whether if this is a hoax or not, after all it could be a Twilight hater trolling behind that question but if what she's asking is true, she might have just won herself the dumbest Twilight fan award of 2012. I bet Stephenie Meyer would be really happy now for turning an innocent girl into a... I don't know, a wannabe vampire bordering on witchcraft?

But if I'm Stephenie Meyer, here's a reply that I might give to our Miss Sakura Cullen aka I-want-my-boyfriend-to-suck-my-blood fan girl:

"Dear Sakura Cullen,

          If you have been reading my books carefully, I know the book is filled with dramatic emotional sentences that sometimes makes you want to skip the whole book at one go, but still if you have at least read the cover, you would know that one does not simply turn into a vampire by drinking your own blood first.

          To become a vampire, you will need to..."

Okay, shit. I've never read any of the Twilight books so I have no idea how you become a vampire in Twilight. But lets just pretend that I know.

Dear Sakura Cullen,

          Like I said, if you have paid even the slightest attention to my book you would have known that to turn into a vampire, you must first get bitten by a vampire itself. After that, provided that the vampire that bites you is kind enough to not drain you dry, you would then need to ask him or her to let you drink some of his blood too.
          I know it is kind of hard to ask for something when you're half dying due to loss of blood, you have no other choice except if you manage to strike a deal with the vampire before he or she decides to suck you dry. Also, not only do you have to drink the vampire's blood, you would also need to mix their blood with some glitter dust so you could get the sparkly effect under the sun. 

          Only then would you be fully prepared to turn your boyfriend into that dream vampire boyfriend of yours. Just a word of advice though. Turning him into a vampire doesn't mean he would magically become the handsome Edward Cullen that you normally see in the Twilight shows. To do that you have to feed Robert Pattinson your blood instead.

          I hope all these advice would be sufficient in your effort. I wish that you and your boyfriend would live happily forever. Literally.

P/s: Just try not to get into any arguments. It tends to last a few centuries

Your blood sucking friend,
Lukey Meyer

Looks like the Mayans predictions of the world ending this year might be true after all.

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