Sunday, March 28, 2010

"How to spot a biatch?" : Guide To Avoid Biatch-es

Definition: A biatch is an creature who's origins and identity is unknown but however, dresses in the image of mostly a human female. It is a highly dangerous creature who operates outside the norms of humanity and should be avoided at all cost or risk having your life screwed over. Based on numerous data collected, Lukey's Rantings is now finally able to compile a list of possible indicators of a biatch's presence for the benefit of readers.
  1. Biatch-es have the inability to form close friends with members of the same sex. Its circle of friends revolves mostly of members of the opposite sex, the degree of closeness varies. 
  2. Biatch-es do not treat close friends as close friends but rather as a maid or a slave. Their requirements of close friends includes wanting their close friends to do whatever the biatch like (eg: going out, accompanying her, hearing her whine) without taking into consideration of the close friend. They however, comes up with all sort of reasons when the close friend as for favor. Which leads to them having no close same sex friends and even if they have, the longest period will only be a few months
  3. Biatch-es love to come up with sad stories about themselves. They love to portray themselves as weak, vulnerable creatures that are prone to get hurt to gain sympathy from others and so others will defend them no matter what. Biatch-es thrive behind layers of lies
  4. Biatch-es have the inability to think from others' shoes. They cannot understand how others are feeling or thinking, which roughly contributes to Point 2.
  5. The scariest weapon of a biatch is tears, or rather crocodile tears. If her sad stories do not work, she will utilize this weapon to break your defenses. The ability of biatch to so easily shed tears continues to baffle scientists
  6. Perhaps the scariest thing about biatch-es is that they will do anything to get their goals, be it a popular guy, fame, etc. They do not care how many people they trample, how many lies they make as long as they get what they one
  7. Biatch-es are mostly motivated by a single factor in all their actions, to be popular. They want to project a good image of themselves to everyone, which is why all the stories about them being victims 
  8. The most scary thing about a biatch-es is that everyone seems to like them. They have good acting skills, making it hard to spot them unless you have known them for very long. Going against biatch-es is never easy given the amount of supporters they can gather through their sad stories
  9. Biatch-es are also two faced snakes
  10. Biatch-es are oblivious to people hating them because well, like i said, they cannot think from other people's shoes.

As to why biatch-es exists, scientists are still clueless to it. They may be aliens who spaceship crashed on Earth and therefore they are gathering minions to rebuild their spaceship or they may be just like aliens from the show Species where they are finding the perfect mate to produce their offspring.

No matter what, all scientists do agree that staying away from biatch-es is the most advisable action because a suitable weapon to confront them has yet to be discovered. A close encounter with them may result in unforeseeable consequences.

Should you see a biatch, please contact MIBs (Men In Black) and they will take care of the rest. Tq

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