Sunday, July 30, 2017

[Short Story] Six Kills

"Department of Statistical Measurement, Purgatory Division, may I know who's calling?"
"Yes, this is Alan here, calling about-"
"I'm sorry Alan, sir, you'll have to be more specific, we have tons of Alans coming coming into purgatory every day. What is your full name, date of birth and country of birth?"
Sorry, my name's Alan Tan Jie Shen, date of birth 20 May 1960, born in Singapore."
"Give me a second sir, as I try to find your records."
Death metal music plays softly in the background.
"Okay, Mr Alan, I have your records. Can I confirm your father's and mother's name please?"
"Tan Bo Seng and Patricia Wong Siu Lee."
"That is correct, Mr Alan. How can I be of service today?"
"Yes, I would like to complain about the statistics that you've measured for my life. You say that I have killed six people before, but for as long as I lived, I never killed anyone. I don't recall any of it. And now you guys want to send me to hell?"
"Hold on a second Mr Alan... yes according to our records, you have indeed killed six people before. We believe it's in a place called Numbani."
"What? Where the hell is that? I have never left Singapore before my entire life! How could I go to a place such as Numbani?"
"Ah, Mr Alan, we believe that particular place where Numbani is located is called Overwatch. That's where you made those kills. We even have records that you killed this woman called Mercy three times as well."
"Wait a minute, you're referring to that stupid computer game that my son tried to make me play? That isn't even real?"
"Mr Alan, are you a Christian?"
"Yes I am, but I don't see what is the connection here to-"
"What is commandment seven, Mr Alan?"
"What the hell? Like I said, I don't see what's the need here to-"
"What is the seventh commandment, Mr Alan?"
"Oh my fucking God, I don't have the time for this. I demand to speak to your supervisor! This is all one sick joke, I don't deserve this stupid standard-"
"The seventh commandment is 'Thou Shall Not Kill', Mr Alan. The commandment does not make exception. Thou shall not kill whether if it's in real life, in your fantasies or even in a game. So according to our records-"
"Stop! Stop right there! I demand to speak to your manager! This is ridiculous, I am not going to go to hell just because of imaginary people I killed in a game!"
"I'm sorry Mr Alan, but rules are rules. You yourself said this when you're alive. What the bible says is final and absolute. Games involved."
"No! Where is your manager? Ask him to talk to me, right now!"
"I am the manager, Mr Alan."
"Right, and I am God himself. What is your damn freaking name?"
"That is blasphemy, Mr Alan. My name is Simon Peter. I guard the gates."
"I'm sorry, Mr Alan, but given your records, you are doomed to hell."
"No, this must be some mistake! Please!"
"Goodbye Mr Alan, and thank you for calling."
Death metal music begins to play again, as Alan's screaming voice is swallowed by the portal that opened beneath him.


Prompt: When a person dies and reaches the afterlife they can see their life's statistics which determine if they go to heaven or hell. Ex. How many people had crushes on them, how many swears etc. You die and find out you killed 6 people and have no recollection of it.


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