Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Porn is a Threat to Virility only because we're so afraid to talk about it

//"The only way out of this is to realize that God made us and our sexuality for a purpose. God made us for Himself—to know Him and to be known by Him. He wants us to see that the only way to think correctly about pornography is within the moral universe that He Himself has created. That means understanding pornography as a great evil that can only be broken through the power of the gospel."//

I got this excerpt from an article written by one Pastor Denny Burk, who was reacting to Time's article about “Porn and the Threat to Virility.”

The pastor got the first part correct: that porn is indeed something to be worried about. But what he got wrong was the second: that when you're "godly" or when you're a "righteous Christian", your desire for porn will automatically fade.

No, dear pastor, it doesn't work magically like that. If it did, we won't have so many sexual abuse cases originating from the people who are supposed to be the most righteous of us. This whole opposition between God and sexual desires, this stigma of talking about sex in the church, of rejecting it outright because "if you love God you'll control yourself and rid yourself of this desire" is the reason why so many men are turning to porn.

I know. Because I've been through it. If anything, the culture of fear surrounding porn is the leading factor of why so many men turn to porn.

What we do need is honest, transparent dialogue, and not to mention a readiness to move with the times. We need elders who are not afraid to talk about this openly, about the implications of sex, without painting it solely as a tool of evil or not rely on invoking the name of God to escape from talking about this topic.

Boys need to understand why porn may be bad without being fed simplistic reasons like "God will be angry" or "It is something evil". They need to understand how it will lead to unrealistic expectations in future relationships and affect your body.

Because repressing or avoiding a topic in the hopes that it will go away will only lead to boys finding the answers somewhere else. More often than not, the answers may not be the ones that are correct.

Sex needs to stop being a taboo topic in the mainstream side. Because underneath all our political correctness and refusal to talk about this openly, in fear of being labelled, the porn industry has way surpassed societal norms. Don't even start about religious norms.

Because if we are to address this "threat", we need to stop using arguments like "Pray and it will go away" or "Love God and your desires will subside", then hope that the boys will figure it themselves.  We need to grab the bull by the horn and talk about this more seriously, to be more open about this.

We may even need to do the unthinkable, where fathers actually guide their sons through their journey of puberty, instead of letting their sons fend for themselves. One where fathers share openly with their son their own journey. Only then perhaps we can dent the influence of porn.


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