Wednesday, October 22, 2014

At The End of Everything #1

"How could you do this?"

She was standing there, her face red, sobbing hysterically.

"Why?!" she screamed again. Her eyes. They were full of hurt and confusion. I turned my head away, unable to look at them.

I could see her body trembling from the corner of my eyes. I didn't know what to do. She had every right to be angry, after all. And I have not the faintest idea on how to answer her. How does one answer in a situation like this anyway? I have already told her what I wanted, and she already knew why. There was really nothing to explain anymore. So I held my silence, and told myself that everything will be over after this. Just endure, I told myself.

"Tell me why!" In our time together, I have never heard her scream like this before. Still no answer from me. She ran towards me, pushed me towards the wall. Screamed again. Then she started to hit me on the chest, her hands pounding me repeatedly. I continued to stand there, still silent, looking away. I don't have to answer you, I thought. I don't need to. We're over. That was all on my mind. That was all that mattered. My fists were clenched by then, as anger began to build up in me. Why was she doing this, when she already knew that I would no longer change my mind?

I kept repeating to myself to be patient. If this is what it takes to end it, then let it be.

And then the slap came.

Her palm landed squarely on my left chin, It caught me off guard on how fast and powerful it was. The force from it send me stumbling a few steps. I could feel all the hurt, anger and disappointment channeled through her hands. It was something that I did not anticipate. The suddenness shocked me. A part of my body cried out that I should no longer tolerate this outburst of hers.

"Enough!" I yelled. "Which part of breaking up do you not understand?" The room fell silent. She was still standing there, her eyes wide in disbelief. The air was heavy with emotion, punctuated by her attempts to control her sobs. I glared at her, my chest rising up and down steadily. I was visibly angry. Annoyed. She continued to look at me, tears still flowing freely from her eyes.

"You're no longer the same," she whispered softly. She took a few steps back, slowly inching away from me. I could feel our distance slowly growing further with each step that she took, the memories that we built over eight years of our relationship slowly crumbling away. But I didn't cared back then. All I cared for during that moment was the end. The end of our relationship, so I could start another one. I was utterly convinced that I no longer love her back then, That I was no longer happy.

Standing there in the room, with the stinging sensation on my face, all I could feel was anger. And contempt. For someone who loved me for eight years. I thought of the happiness that awaited me once this was all over.

She slowly picked up her bag and jacket, letting out a whimper every now and then. As she headed for the door, she turned her slightly towards me, perhaps hoping that I would say something. But my resolve was firm, so I kept my silence. Sensing that I was not going to change my mind, she quietly opened the door.

"Goodbye," she said, and left. I could never forget her face when she said that. Wet from all the tears, and reeked of disappointment. And that was how it all ended.

*****

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