Monday, March 17, 2014

People and this idea of a happily ever after

They are all over Facebook everyday (at least in my feed). Little "nuggets of wisdom" written with the aim of helping you find the perfect someone. Or how to be one in order to attract a happily ever after. They're usually have titles such as 'How to be the perfect guy" or "What all women want", seemingly suggesting that with their advice, one will find their own happily ever after. 


and they usually have intimate pictures to make you click on them


Just a simple Google search on such topics and you'll have enough reading material to earn you a degree in the topic of relationship. With the exception that degree will be near to useless anyway because basically everyone attempting to sell you their version of a perfect relationship always end up saying stuff that contradicts each other. Or doesn't really sound right in the first place.

For example, someone wrote that all guy flirts with every girl and it's okay as long as he remembers the girl he love truly at the end of the night. Right, try having this mindset with your husband. Or why all men cheat on loyal women, with the not so subtle message saying that it is okay to be cheated upon because it's an indication that you're a strong loyal woman. Or this article from Singapore saying that all guys are attracted to long hair. And a super long one in fact (I'm thinking he reads too much of Rapunzel).

Of course, with this being the internet, almost anyone can post anything about relationship on the web, trying to offer their own version of a happily ever after. Which exactly what I am guilty of too, by writing this article. I find it partially interesting because of how people back in the old days didn't have so much advice and guide when it comes to finding a spouse (you basically followed your parents arrangements), but still somehow made it worked. Our society did progress for the better, in a way.

A lot of people would argue about a lot of thing when it comes to love. The hopeless romantics would say that it is the sole purpose of our lives, while the cynics would say that it is only a illusion nature concocted to trick us into reproducing. But no matter what views you hold, one cannot deny that deep down inside, we are wired not so different from each other. When it comes to the basics, we are practically searching for the same thing. We want to love, and we want to be loved. Because it makes us happy.


being loved gives us strength, while loving deeply gives us courage. i like this quote


There is no denying that for almost all of us (unless you're a psychopath), being in a meaningful and happy relationship makes us enjoy life more. It motivates us to do greater things. It sustains us in life. It gives us a reason to wake up every day and to push on. It is biologically ingrained in our systems. Hate it or love it, relationships have the power to change a person's life completely. And it doesn't take an expert to tell you that solitary life can often be detrimental.

Which is perhaps why we are eager to perhaps find the secret to a happily ever after ending. To know that we are doing the right thing.

But in my opinion, no matter how much you read, everyone is different. We may be looking for the same thing when it comes to relationship, being loved and loving somebody who is worth it, but at the end of the day, there is no single archetype of a man or woman that everyone would die for. Each of us would derive meaning and happiness differently. After all, we are all different human beings. Even our reaction to a simple cupcake can range from completely liking it to absolutely hating it, so why would relationships be any different?

Humanity's strength lies in diversity and if everyone suddenly starts liking the same thing, wouldn't life get dull pretty quickly? There are people who prefer their spouse to be quiet and thoughtful, and there others who loved to be lively and talkative. There are those who love big acts of love. A well planned musical at the side of the road with cartoon characters to propose, for example. And there are those who hates the attention and prefers a simple quiet proposal. The reason why we get the idea that the first one is the ideal could be merely because it is shared more often online, while the quiet often goes unnoticed.

The secret, in my humble opinion, is not trying to be someone whom you are not. Dump the idea of a general preference. The key to finding your happily ever after, I think, is to understand yourself first. Find out what you like, what motivates you, and your source of energy. Only by understanding yourself, you would know what kind of person you would be happy with. If you enjoy reading books for example, you would want to find someone who can accompany you to the long hideout in a bookstore rather than someone who would prefer to shop for clothes instead. Of course, if you enjoy picking out new looks, the opposite would be truth. But at the end of the day, what type of person you prefer to be with your whole life should be up to your own choice instead, not others.


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