when reality hits you

I can't sleep. I've been trying to for the past couple of hours but all I could achieve was tossing in my bed with a mind that refuses to shut down.

I think it's because how I suddenly realized that it less than a month time, I will be graduating from NUS and officially be moving on to adult life, effectively ending perhaps the best part of my life, the life of of a student. It hit me really hard though, suddenly having to grasp the fact that your life is no longer carefree, that you must depend on yourself now and responsibilities will soon dominate your life.

venturing into the unknown, that's what it feels like now

There's so many things to worry about when you're graduating in a place far from your home. Where are you going to stay, where are you going to work, how are you going to extend your visa so you can apply for jobs, how are you going to cope and the list goes on. Which of course caught me completely off guard because I'm honestly not prepared for this transition. I have been so busy for the past couple of weeks with school and hall until I seem to have completely forgotten the fact that come May, I'll no longer be a NUS student, no longer be able to stay in Eusoff and no longer be able to have long summer vacations where I have time to unwind and plan properly what I want to do next.

To be honest, I am totally lost at this point of time. Everything just seems to be happening too fast, yes I know I should have started planning early, I did actually in January and February but somehow everything in hall and school just caught up to me until I forgot about moving on totally, and as for now, I have no idea what's my plan straight after my graduation. A part of me yearns to go home and just relax for a month, but another part of me knows that it's impossible because securing a job during that period of time is of the most crucial importance because I have to get an employment pass as soon as possible to be able to continue to stay in Singapore and repay my bonds.

But then again, worrying too much won't get me anywhere either. I just hate it when my brain just decides to just dump all the package on me all of a sudden. I guess the best option now is to rethink and reorganize my priorities, take one thing at a time. Things may seem overwhelming now, but they'll all sort out in the end. I hope.


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