There comes a moment in life when you suddenly realize that what you think you're good at doing all along is in fact not really good at all. In fact, it's only average at best and no matter how much you try to convince yourself, you realize that well, perhaps you're not suited for that thing in the first place and perhaps, you just have to stop kidding yourself. That moment for me is now.
You see, one thing about me is that everyone seems to think I'm a popular blogger in Singapore. Whenever I meet some friends of mine, they always tease me about my online blog personality, about how handsome is lukey and how popular my blog is because of the awards that I have won and the things I've gotten through my blog. Well, the ironic thing is that although many people thinks that I'm popular or even good, those people didn't even read my blog before. Or maybe only once every few years. So you have a situation where a lot of people thinks I'm popular but out of that number of people who thinks I'm popular, only a small percentage (maybe 5?) of them actually reads this blog on a regular basis. I kid you not.
Long story short, although Lukey might be handsome, he is not one bit popular. He's more like the "jaguh kampung" or village champion rather than the celebrity everyone think he is. A little good but not really the awesome good kind of good.
I came to this realization today when I was looking at the scores for Cathay Cineleisure's Next Online Sensation blogging competition. Although I thought I did really well for the last post, using comic strips and stuff to spice up the post, I only received a paltry 2.5 out of 5, one of the consistently lowest scorers in the group. It was like a smack to my face. I tried to visit some of the higher scorers from the contest and saw that well, my post pales in comparison to theirs.
Not only that, I also found out that Youth.sg decided that they would not want me anymore as one of the blogger mentors for their campus spy program. When your boss decide to retain 2/3 of the previous bloggers and leaving you out, it speaks volume about the quality of work that you have been giving.
The numbers and analytics of my blog doesn't really help my case either. Each of my post receives only an average of around 40-50 visits and the only reason why the numbers of my blog can be so high is because I update everyday. In comparison, an averagely successful blogger receives around 300 to 1000 unique views per post and if they could update everyday, their numbers would definitely go boom too. So I don't really have much to brag about when it comes to numbers too.
Sure, I might have won stuff before from blogging but that was years ago. Somehow, for some reason, my style of blogging just can't seem to attract enough people to stay for the long term or maybe it just gets boring really fast, I don't know. But honestly, try as I might, it seems that I've already reach some sort of bottleneck of my blogging endeavor.
Heck, like how one my friend puts in, my grammar isn't really up to the standard either. So how could somehow who can't even write properly dare to dream to be a popular writer?
As hurtful as it may sound, that is the sad reality. I still have a lot to achieve and a lot to improve on if I were to be truly successful blogger. Because looking at the state I'm in now, I'm definitely not one.
It's not to say that I'm giving up blogging or anything. It's just that time and time again, I need to remind myself that I'm not really that popular or good because if you allow yourself to be satisfied with what you have now, you'll never improve. And that mentality gives you the illusion that you're invincible and can do whatever you want. It saps the energy out of you, tricks you into being content and tells you that you should stop trying.
So yeah, for the time being, I just want to be known a normal blogger. Not any successful, popular and celebrity blogger. One that still has to fight for blog readership because he has none and one that needs to be hardworking because he's just normal like everyone else. A blogger that blogs because he loves to, not a blogger that blogs just to keep his readership there.
And as a request, or an appeal, if you do see me in real life after reading this post, I would appreciate it if you could stop calling me a popular blogger or a celebrity blogger. Because I'm not and whenever people calls me that, I do not really know how to respond. If I say "no lah no lah" it would sound fake but if I agree to it it would be fake too, because I'm not.
If you like a post of mine, it would be great to just comment on the post, saying why you agree on it and why you liked it. That I would enjoy. But a popular blogger is way too much of an overstatement. Maybe when I can earn a comfortable income or become as famous as Xiaxue. Then you can call me a popular blogger. For now, a blogger would suffice. Or if you want to call me a handsome blogger too, that would also be okay. Just not a popular blogger :)
|Your guide to calling Lukey the blogger|
Labels: Blogging, Emo, Rantings