Monday, September 12, 2011

Let's Make Mr Haze Our Friend

It's the time of the year again where our lovely Sumatran neighbors decide that there's just too much greenery growing around Sumatra and the best way to deal with it is to set fire to them (it's surprising to see that there's still plants left in Sumatra despite so many years of open burning there). And as usual, we at Malaysia and Singapore are the ones that end up suffering from our neighbors action because all the smoke will be blown over and causes a massive haze in our area along with all the discomfort and respiratory diseases that the haze can cause.

Yeap, it's the time of the year again to cover your noses with whatever cloth, mask or helmet you can find

But despite countless complaints, assurances from our governments to negotiate a solution and promises from Indonesia that they will do something about it, time and time again the haze would return. So instead of wasting our energy asking for a solution or complaining about the haze, why not make use of it since it's here to stay every year and that no matter what we do, the burning still is still gonna continue in Sumatra. So here's Lukey's guide on how to turn the haze situation that we're facing right now into something good and fun. Like they said, if you can't beat it, join it right?

1. Excuse to skip/class and work

Looking for a reason to skip class/work? What better reason than to blame the haze? Just say you have some respiratory illnesses caused by the haze or you cannot leave the house because you will suffocate and die under all those smoke. Then look forward to an awesome holiday ahead.



2. Awesome prop for a fantasy film


Ever wanted to make a film in some strange fantasy land but can't because the cost of producing the mist for your fantasy land is just too high? With Mr Haze here, you don't have to worry anymore because everywhere you look, you feel as if you're in some sort of dreamy land, thanks to the smoke effect. It's almost like Genting Highlands except that it's not cold and and wet and smells funny. But still, the money you save from having no need to buy numerous smoke machines for your movie easily outweighs the discomfort caused. Don't forget to wear a mask though.


Twilight, for example, was filmed in Singapore during the worst haze seasons


3. Excellent money making venture

Speaking of mask, the arrival of the haze could also mean excellent money making opportunities. All you have to do is to stock up on those white masks and to sell them at high prices saying that if one does not wear the mask to filter out the haze smoke, their risk of contracting respiratory illnesses will be quadrupled x1000 times. Steal the graphic photo warnings from cigarette boxes and use them to scare those people who don't wear masks saying that those are the consequences if they do not wear a mask. I'm sure paranoid people like me will surely buy the marketing strategy.


4. Wasting paper time!

 No idea how this would work, but I found a comic on this topic:


Apparently the logic here is to waste as much paper as you can, make the price of paper rise up like there's no tomorrow and our neighbors would hesitate to burn down trees anymore because the tree barks can used to produce paper which is very expensive.


5. Computer ftw

Have parents that constantly nag you to go outside and play instead of spending your entire time glued to the computer? Thanks to the haze, you can now safely stay in your room and DOTA from morning to night citing the reason that exercising in the haze is bad for health. Enjoy your nag-free experience of gaming for the rest of the haze period!


With all the 5 benefits that you can see above, perhaps haze is not such a bad thing after all. I mean, what better reason to skip school without going through lots of trouble right? Happy hazing!

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