Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Nothing good happens after 2am

Nothing good happens after 2am. Because all that you can do is to sit in front of your laptop felling down in the dumps, confused about how you're feeling and hoping that someone would walk into your room and have a heart to heart talk with you.

To be honest, I hate the way God chose to make me. Hate the features that He installed in me when He decided to bring me into the world. An inflated sense of elf ego, high emotional unstability and childish tendencies, just to name a few. Characteristics that have not gotten me far in life, only gossips and the negative way I am viewed and judged by my friends.

Why can't He just make me in a way like everyone else? Mature, emotionally stable and talented? And why must He jumble up all the bad traits in me? Why must He be so unfair to me?

You might say that everything happens for a reason, a purpose and that there's a surely a reason why I am made in this way. I would love to think in this way too, in fact, I've been trying to think like this for the past few years but trying to pin a purpose to the unfairness in the world is only a fool's way to find comfort. Because it's not much difference from lying to ourselves.

Or you can say that there's no God at all. That I am made this way because it just so happen that my parents' genes are like that. I don't have a choice. It's chance. And it's only fitting for me to face all these problems because my genes are not adaptive in this world and non-adaptive genes have no choice but to die out. Survival of the fittest, Darwin said.

Either way, my life still sucks, meaning or no.

Isn't it fun to think of life's fundamental problems and questions? I think I'm just gonna go sleep and hope that tomorrow will be a better day. Hope.

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