Friday, January 14, 2011

When I'm Walking Towards You


As someone with a mild social phobia, I must admit that life isn't as easy as it seems for me. I have to face tons of difficulties regarding social situations in my life, like how to speak without making a fool out myself to someone I have just met at a party or how to give a good introduction without going into a full blown monologue hyperdrive. So naturally I tend to be very quiet to avoid all those life or death situations.

Another life or death situation that I also face, especially when you're living in a hostel, thanks to this mild social phobia I have is when I am walking towards someone that I roughly know but yet is not close enough to be considered as friends.

You see, normal people would just go ahead and say hi with a smile anyway, but my share of having people ignore you in the face even though you're waving in front of them has given me quite the scare of saying hi to people I think I know again.

Nowadays, when I see someone from my hostel that I roughly know walking towards me, I tend to get all tensed up with a thousand thoughts running through my head at the same time.

Should I wave and say hi? Or should I just smile? What if the person ignores me? I think I better just pretend to be doing something and pretend I did not see him. But what if he says hi to me? Wouldn't he think that I'm being really unfriendly? I think I'll just walk with a smile, maintain an eye contact until we get close and see what happens. Should I wave too?

By the time I finished analyzing the situation, the person in question usually would have walked far behind me, thinking what a snob I am for pretending to be deep in thought and ignoring him.

You see, I really wish to be friendly most of the time. It's just that how my brain tend to over-analyze thing, even in such simple situations where seeing someone that I roughly know or don't know is walking towards me.

I guess it's just me. Normal people would just gone ahead and said hi anyway.

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