My One and Only Resolution
Humans have this unexplainable need to constantly compare themselves. If we find that we're better than the person next to us, we will undoubtedly feel good but if the opposite is true, we would end up feeling quite moody for the rest of the day, as if our position is being threatened. I feel that all the time. Donald Miller calls this the Lifeboat Theory in his book Searching For God Knows What (I find it a very interesting personality theory as compared to many other personality theories I studied in Psychology, will blog about it if I have the time).
No matter what I do, I want to be the best. I want people to praise and accept me for what I'm doing. Blogging, studying, dancing, making videos, anything. I may have interest in them but in reality, a portion of me is really doing all these things because I want people to say, "Oh, Luke, you're so good at doing this" or "You're special because you're able to do this and this".
If there was someone else that was doing it better than me, I feel as if I'm not special anymore, that my skills are all common and as if part of my identity is torn away. Which is why I constantly compare, why I constantly want to be at the top. Because I want to people to affirm me.
But I'm doing it all wrong. It's tiring and pretty much pointless, you know. What's the use of being at the top if you're doing it merely for the purpose of finding acceptance?
So I'm going to stop. I'm going to stop trying so hard to win over people, to make people like me through all these activities And most importantly, I will stop comparing what I'm doing with others. I will just be satisfied with what I have at the moment and take life one step at a time. That's my 2011 resolution.