Sunday, July 25, 2010

How To Not Earn Any Money From Blogging

I've been complaining very much lately about how little my blog earns (For those who want to know, my combined earnings after 4 years of blogging are RM 6+ and SGD 36.51 so far) in Innit everytime a blogger comes up with a post about how much they have managed to cash out from Nuffnang. In fact I think that most of the bloggers at Innit are already quite tired from my constant rendition of the song Down by Jay Sean to signify my blog earnings.


27lilian suggested why not i go write a post about how to not earn any money from blogging since i'm so well versed in keeping my earnings from blogging on such a low level. And voila, you're now reading the how to not earn any money from blogging post! Since there are countless blog posts out there teaching bloggers countless methods to increase their blog traffic (i remember kenwooi.com having such a post too), it would be good for me to do something different for a change, don't you think?

After much research which was done mostly during my bathing time in the toilet, i have finally come up with the top 10 ways of how not to earn any money from blogging! A word of caution though, this is not a guide that you should follow if you want to be a famous blogger and earns of money through blogging. In fact, most of the methods that are going to be portrayed have a high chance of scaring people away from your blog. So watch where you tread! :p

So here goes Lukey's guide to How To Not Earn Any Money From Blogging!
(aka how to keep people away from your blog)

Method 1 : Emo Posts, not just one, but LOTS of it
Emo posts are basically the post people write when they're feeling sad, down or when you're overwhelmed by hormones other than endorphin. Technically, in an emo post people would go on and on about how life sucks, how unfair is life and how depressing is your situation. A typical emo sentence found in an emo blog (i did found this on a real blog, btw): "when my ex bf broke my heart i thought i would never be able to eat or move or talk anymore.. i lay in bed for as long as possible crying my eyes out with a razor beside me for anytime i felt deeply depressed or angry.. i kept thinking how could he after all them times he said that he loved me...". You get the idea.

Method 2 : Use a language not normally used
The equivalent as speaking gibberish, your blog will hit 0 traffic eventually as no one is able to understand what you're writing. A typical sentence: "I wanted a breaking up but he doesn't wanted a breaking up i doesn't know why he dun wanted a breaking up..." and we all go ???


Method 3 : Ain't LOVE a little too much?
Have a new boyfriend who looks like Brad Pitt and always give you gifts? Splash the whole blog with lovey dovey pictures of you both and also stories how you his tongue when into your mouth during the first kiss! The more detailed the better!


Method 4 : He/She don't want me anymore!
The exact opposite of Method 3. Written when you just had an unexpected break up with your Brad Pitt like boyfriend. Details that must be included in this post covers how good he used to be but now did not sms you now, how this is all his fault and all guys suck!


 Method 5 : I Like To Be Simple...
...and by simple i mean a blog update with a sentence containing words half of the size allowed by Twitter. Something like, "July 25, 2010 - Today I Ate Durians".

Method 6 : Haunted Blog
The method requiring the least energy, all you have to do is to create a blog and then just leave it there for a long period of time. Or update it one month once at most. And the one month post must be about how less you update your blog and how you don't have time and you promise to update your blog more often.


Method 7 : Just Be Lukey!
Last but not least, you can just be the owner of Lukey's Rantings! Which is me! Because i rarely earn much from blogging!

Cheers!

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