Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Malaysia, oh, Malaysia

I recently read an article discussing about the prospects of my home country, Malaysia, in 20 years. According to the article, well, there isn't much prospects left anyway considering that the route the country is taking now is led by blind leaders.

The article speculates that one of the major imports of Malaysia in the near future would be maid due to the continuous export of talents out of Malaysia.

To illustrate what would happen to Malaysia in the near future, here's a sample prediction that i found on the internet:

2012:
Malaysia passes boundary of net oil exporter to net oil importer. Budget deficit jumps to double digits

2013:
Fearful of opposition, Malaysia bans all political parties except Barisan Nasional. Elections banned, with Deputy Info Minister Zainuddin Maidin saying no need for erections. Ruling government declares itself 'Sole Guardian And Protector Of Nation'. Internet is banned, making Malaysia laughingstock of the world. Since we now cannot go online, we don't feel the shame.

2014:
Foreign & domestic investors pull out. Following in the wake are thousands of Malaysian professionals... Malays, Chinese, Indians, mixed, etc. Vast industrial regions & financial buildings lie abandoned, with lalang reclaiming the land.

2015:
Due to high crime, armed security companies do brisk business. Premier Najib declares self Grand Generalissmo Of The Federation Of Malaysia For Life. A second campaign of Wang Malaysia, oops, One Malaysia is initiated: One Mind = One Malaysia.

2016:
To cut costs Utusan, NST, Star, Berita Harian fires all staff and replaces them with 1,000,000 monkeys with typewriters. Readers don't notice the difference.

2017:
Interior Minister Datuk Seri Profesor Madya Dr. (H) Khir Toyo declares a new race class called 'BNPutra'. He defends the move saying some Bumiputera are more Bumiputera than others

2019:
Malaysian maids start appearing in upper-middle class homes in Jakarta. Remittances become major income source to nation.

2020:
Wawasan 2020 is celebrated with multimillion dollar parades. Inflation reaches 100% in March. Oil runs out, petrol is RM45.25/liter (incl inflation)

2021:
Fedup with high crime rate, government launches multimillion ringgit campaign: 'Snatch thiefs... its a fact of life. Deal with it! Semuanya OK!'

2022:
Malaysian construction workers, road sweepers, general workers seen in Bangkok, Bombay, Bandung, Beijing. English speaking ones get higher pay. Remittances now #1 income source. South Africans move to Malaysia to work in security sector, experience with rifles being in high demand.

2023:
Malaysia on World News for two things: 1)Top 20 in Most Corrupted Index, 2)tragic sinking of boat with 400 Malaysian immigrants en route to Manila.

2026:
Food shortage due to farmland converted to housing estates & megaprojects that are undersold and underused. Extremely low value of Malaysian Ringgit hinders food imports from Thailand & Indonesia. 1 Euro = 12,000 Rupiah = RM50,000

2029:
"Greetings to u! I nephew former Malaysian Prime Minister Khairy Jamaludin! My uncle has U$1,000,000,000 in bank. I as benificiery want transfer money to foreign account. Pls reply my email with account number and help me in good faith. If success, I give you U$5,000,000 as reward. This not scam like Nigeria email. Tank you n god bless"

2031:
Malaysia print RM500,000,000,000,000 banknote. Finance Minister celebrates this occasion, declares 'every Malaysian now a billionare!' Price of 1 packet of magee mee is RM650,000,000,000,000.

2032:
Sign on toilet in Hat Yai (translated from Thai): 'Use Toilet Paper only! No Newspaper, no banana leaf, no Malaysian Ringgits'

2035:
Factionalism in UMNO-BN turns ugly. Various BN warlords split, each employing own army of mercenaries. Arms traders do good business selling surplus tanks, AK47s, pickup truck with machineguns, and attack helicopters.

2037:
Piracy becomes major problem in Straits of Malacca, like in 1600. Global shipping harassed by Malaysian pirates. World navies intervene...

2041:
Factionalism in UMNO-BN turns really ugly. Warlordism rampant, with People's Front of Malaysia vs. Malaysia Peoples Front. Nationalist Justice Morality Force of Pahang attacks Johor Power Militia. Sabah & Sarawak says F.U. and leaves Federation.

2043:
A new world record for Malaysia! Tallest pile of stones in the world! Built from former Petronas Twin Towers, now destroyed by various warring militias. Malaysia is now playground for proxy wars for foreign nations.

2045:
LONDON: De-facto Prime Minister Tan Sri Datuk Doktor Profesor Angkasawan Mahmud bin Mukhriz Mahathir bets on horses using Malaysia as leverage. He loses...

 Sad but true.

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