Saturday, June 23, 2007

Problems, trials? I got them too..

Everyone has problems in their life and i do too. Despite my cheerful attitude in life, sometimes i just find that life's problems are just too much to take.

And often i just feel uncared for, unappreciated, unnoticed and unaccepted in life. Besides that i also got a bunch of burdens to handle in life daily, just like everyone else. And sometimes, i just drop and fail miserably.
Why?

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I am someone without family love.
Why would i say that?

Simple, since the day i was born, all my mother had ever do is to complain about my existence in this world, even when i'm young. No matter how hard i try, she's never satisfied with me. All she ever do is to compare, compare and compare plus complain.

"Why couldn't you be like so and so?", "Do you know how hard is for me to have a son like you?", "Other's people children are better than you a hundred times do you know that?", "Sometimes, i just wish that i never gave birth to you".

The say that usually a mother say all this is because that she love you but the fact is i do not see any hint of love in all of her sentence. There's a dagger to put a hole in me behind her every word.

Sigh, how i hope that she will just treat me as her son, loving me and accepting me for who i am, not the person she want me to be. Sometimes, like what Tom said in "I'm not stupid 2", my home, is just a day for me to sleep.

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Family isn't the only problem i have to face in life.
I also find that most of the time standing up for what you believe in is one of the toughest task that you have to face in the world.

When you believe in something but the whole world is against you, you'll often find that your courage and willpower tested to the limit. What do you really believe in? What do you hold true in life?

One of the examples is love, well perhaps sex as well.

I am the one of the almost extinct believers of true love and abstinence, which is no sex til marriage kind of guy. You may call me outdated or what, but for me, i prefer a virgin wife more than those who always sleep around with guys. If sex is really that casual, why do you have marriage in the first place?

That is why i am still single now and even still keeping my first kiss. But when you look around and find out that almost all of your friends are having sex with girls, can you really hold strong to what you believe in? Although i know that this is wrong, but some times i really find myself doubting my ability to hold on so long.

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Sometimes i just wish that i do not know so many things and the way i view life is just as same as everyone else.

God gave me a gift, one that i rather not have sometimes. You see, when your view of life is differently you find that most of the time you will be thinking of many life's questions and it just can get annoying sometimes.

true, i maybe know how to think about my future, my purpose in life but how good for me if i just do not know about all these and just focus on having fun in my current life. Focusing just on my present.

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Everything happens for a reason, i'm often told and all that i will reap the seeds that i've sown today sooner or later.

But how long can i stand firm in spite of all the test?

Everyone has their own limit and time after time i find myself really being pushed to my limits and i often stumble in my path of life.

Sigh but no matter what, i choose to stand firm for what i believe in. In fact i really don't have the choice to choose the path i'm walking for. Others might see me as outdated or even conservative and do not how to enjoy life. I agree that i'm indeed conservative but once you have came to know of something life, once you seen something through you own eyes, you can't really choose to ignore it

Like they say, ignorance is bliss, sometimes, i just prefer to remain as a PWF, do not know how to think, just enjoy.

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My problems are not that simple actually,
the list goes ever on.

Friends, youth fellowship, church, studies and a whole lot more worries i have in life. But one thing that i'm thankful for is that i'm able to put my worries in God's hand and trust in him to take care of it. And i can also trust him for comfort, acceptance and appreciation.



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